THE MOM AND THE MOVIE STAR. — Health is a funny thing. Some say it’s worth more than money. I’m inclined to agree with them. But unfortunately, we all have to face some harrowing facts about the nature of our own existence. Or, if not our existence, our eventual lack there of. Nothing will make things more…

MODERN DATING — AND OTHER TRAGEDIES #1 — Life is pretty safe for a bartender — but only when they stay behind the bar. That three feet of wooden, lacquered protection prevents hundreds of annoying, foul and potentially dangerous scenarios from taking place. Plus, when you’re the bartender, you are the drug dealer — and if you want…

CURIOSITY DID KILL THE CAT. SORT OF. — I write at bars. Now, those who know me aren’t going to find this specific confession shocking. There is a long and storied history of scribes tooling away at their ink in local watering holes. Certain names come to mind: Dylan Thomas. Brendan Behan. James Joyce. C.S. Lewis. Ernest Hemingway…

A REAL VALENTINE’S DAY DATE. — Happy late Valentine’s Day all! God, what a fantastic day. It’s a time for love and the expression of love. It’s a time for presents and gifts for those who love and want to share their love with others. Now, the more cynical people out there despise holidays like this…

THE FRENCH ARE NOT LIKE US (PARIS TALKS, PT. 2). — Everyone knows I have a serious addiction to the city of Paris. Why is that? Great question, dear reader. People have so many critiques (and for some, down right hatred) for the Parisians. I suppose I can understand. What are the greatest complaints about the individuals who live in that…

I’M AFRAID OF CALCULATORS NOW. — Bartenders aren’t here just to get you wasted (Ok, that’s kind of a lie). We’re not just here to be your psychologist (also, kind of a fib). We’re not just here to be your 24-hour, we never close, unbelievably charming fuck machines for tourists and towns folk alike (actually, we…

TOURISM— AND OTHER CRIMES. — Welcome back, kiddies. We’re going to have a lovely conversation about a very important activity that happens here in New York City everyday. We’re talking about tourism. Now, here’s a couple of facts I must confess. 1) I am a licensed tour guide in New York City. 2) I constructed…

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TIPPING (PART 1). — This is the #1 question always asked about the bartending world. So, as the official Bartender Who Supposedly Knows Everything, I have no choice but to address it. I will try to dial back into the destructed hard drive I call my Hippocampus and answer each question individually. So go…

FROM THE BISTRO TO THE BRASSERIE (PARIS TALKS, PT. 1). — The first time I went to Paris, I really wanted Paris to be exactly the Paris I had in my mind. You know what I mean. I wanted postcard Paris. I wanted artisanal liquor painting Paris. I wanted the ladies of the night Paris. I was looking for the American…